America the Not-So-Well-Endowed

Being unemployed has given me a lot of time to reflect on the life and times in 21st-Century America.  During this time, I have pondered a great many things while waiting for my phone to ring with a job (Currently, I am 1 for 1000).  Fortunately, I have found the answer to a question that has plagued me since my sojourn into exile from the working began:

If Florida is America's Wang, then where is America's Balls?

A query that has plagued Stephen Hawking for years.

Fortunately, I have the answer:

Southwest Alabama

Now, I know this is very hard to grasp, being we've got football, Florida, the best military in the world, and the Washington monument all demonstrating that America has a huge penis (also, the Japanese agree).  However, we're not packing much in the gnadal region.  I mean, look at them.  They are so small, so tiny.  No wonder our country is so phallocentric; we have to keep the attention away from a short, shriveled, semi-retarded nutsack.

Just like the useless sperm that act as lead-blockers for the good ones.

But, you know what?  That is fine.  Actually, it is not a problem.  If you look at the last ten presidential elections, you will find that Alabama has voted Democrat once.  You know what that means...

"Oh beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain..."

Next Post:  What If...