The Iron Bowl is Outdated

Ladies and gentlemen, I feel that the title of the Alabama/Auburn rivalry is a little dated.  Due to the fact both schools have sunk hundreds of millions of dollars into their respective stadiums in order to break the record for "Most Drunken Assclowns in One Space," there is no way in the world either team would allow the game to take place at Legion Field in Birmingham, AL.

Shit hole!

In other words, the "Iron Bowl" doesn't seem to fit anymore for this game.  However, if Birmingham wants to keep the name, they can add another superfluous bowl game and slap the title on it.  Doesn't the "Dr. James Andrews Iron Bowl" have a nice ring to it.  Seriously, the only publicity he gets is when a star athlete goes down with some sort of injury.  Wouldn't it be nice to hear Dr. Andrews name attached to something vaguely positive?

The face of many ruined fantasy teams.

As for the now nameless Super-Rivalry of the Deep South, I have a solution...

What did you expect?  It's Alabama

The Inbreeders' Cup.  A battle of oafish flipper babies for the enjoyment of other flippers babies.

And probably this guy.

However, we, as a people, should apply these changes retroactively.  Therefore, I would like to congratulate the Auburn Tigers for their dramatic come-from-behind victory against the Alabama Crimson Tide in Tuscaloosa.  And, to commemorate such an achievement, I would like to present you the Buffett-Gump Cup to celebrate the accolade of being champions of people who like boning their relatives.

Congratulations and enjoy the 365 days of bragging rights in a state whose hero is a fictional character portrayed by Tom Hanks.