Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. Step right up to try the new workout program that is sweeping the nation. I call it...
The WALRUS Method
(patent pending)
Yes, people, get in on the ground floor of the Walrus Method, a workout regiment that gives you a flat stomach, round butt, and strong tusks.
Based on this guy right here, The Walrus Method uses psychology to get you into a mind to lose weight and get in shape because, frankly, are you going allow a 4,000 lb. sea elephant be more physically fit than you are?
You don't have to spend hundreds of dollars on DVDs and exercise equipment to do this program. All you need to do is watch the walrus, ask yourself if you want to be compared to a two-ton amorphous blob of blubber, and get off your ass!
Don't let a zoo animal get the better of you! Start training today!
Disclaimer: This program is in no way, shape, or form real. If you think it is, may God have mercy on your soul. The whole point of this is to show you that you are a fat motherfucker and a goddamn walrus is in better shape that you are. Seriously, when was the last time you were able to look down and see your genitalia? You sicken me. I hope you die having a heart attack while opening a jar of mayonnaise.
The Walrus Program: Where being like a walrus isn't such a bad thing!
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