The Walrus Method of Physical Fitness

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages.  Step right up to try the new workout program that is sweeping the nation.  I call it...

The WALRUS Method

 

(patent pending) 

Yes, people, get in on the ground floor of the Walrus Method, a workout regiment that gives you a flat stomach, round butt, and strong tusks.

Based on this guy right here, The Walrus Method uses psychology to get you into a mind to lose weight and get in shape because, frankly, are you going allow a 4,000 lb. sea elephant be more physically fit than you are?

You don't have to spend hundreds of dollars on DVDs and exercise equipment to do this program.  All you need to do is watch the walrus, ask yourself if you want to be compared to a two-ton amorphous blob of blubber, and get off your ass!

Don't let a zoo animal get the better of you!  Start training today!

Disclaimer: This program is in no way, shape, or form real.  If you think it is, may God have mercy on your soul.  The whole point of this is to show you that you are a fat motherfucker and a goddamn walrus is in better shape that you are.  Seriously, when was the last time you were able to look down and see your genitalia?  You sicken me.  I hope you die having a heart attack while opening a jar of mayonnaise.

The Walrus Program:  Where being like a walrus isn't such a bad thing!

New Blog. Yippy-Skippy

Things are always cooler when Bruce Campbell says them.

I have tried for years to incorporate "Groovy" into my repertoire of phrases for years because he made it sound so awesome.  Who would have ever thought a white person could do that?

I'm pretty "Groovy" was used til death in 70s blaxploitation films, which I am actually a fan of (if anyone actually reads this, check out Dolemite.  You'll laugh your ass off).  But, Mr. Campbell turned it into something that reeked of awesomnicity.  Hell, he made losing a hand seem cool.  Can you name another person who made losing an appendage seem like it's not the end of the world?

The point of all of this is, like 50 trillion other people and pets, I have a blog.  In this blog, I will discuss things I am going through as well as wax eloquent about things that interest me (like Bruce Campbell's ability to make dated words timeless).  I'll also put up some comic stuff I'm working on chronicling my time in San Antonio and my dealing with being unemployed.  If anyone actually reads this, thanks for coming. 

Now go read Jorge Garcia's blog like you were going to do in the first place.

-JR